If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
