Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize