U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
