just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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