just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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