if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
