Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
