I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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