brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
