Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
