WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
