I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
