Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Randomize
