who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize