i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
