Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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