Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize