My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
