I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
