all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
