Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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