Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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