I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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