I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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