I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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