Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
