I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
