I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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