I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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