You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
