I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
