There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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