this will be a night to untag.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
