I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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