lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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