Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
