I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
