Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
