dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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