Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
