just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
