Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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