Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancรฉ called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
๐๐๐ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
