Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
