I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
