Is it normal to miss your booty call?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
