the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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