before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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