I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
