One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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