Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
