i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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