if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
