If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
