imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
