If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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