The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
