just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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