she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
