It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
