May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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