Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
