im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
