At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
