Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
