I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He better not be in your backpack
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
