So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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