i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
